SHUT UP! I'M ON MY PERIOD!!!!!!!

so according to a couple of my dearest friends, i always get emotional, freak out, and my mind starts going into overanalyzing everything once a month. so after a tearful and emotional week or so i am telling my mind to "SHUT UP!!!!" thank you for that realization. will this happen again? yes but until next month when you come back around, i will remain optimistic.

Seeing, Understanding, and Changing

As I sit here and think, I am so amazed by God's love for me and His faithfulness. I cannot get over how He is moving in my heart and in my life. I have prayed for a more intimate relationship with Him and a deeper understanding of who He is. I have prayed this for so long. I finally figured out how to go about doing this. First, it takes time. Second, it requires me to be disciplined. To get in the Bible, pray constantly and meditate on Him each day consistently. It seems so hard at first. To think, seriously, how can one think about God all the time? It seems boring. But, I have discovered new life. I have discovered God is not boring. He has shown me things that I would have never seen before if I was not keeping my eyes on Him. It was a challenge for me to really dive in to the Word because I was afraid I would not get anything out of it. I was afraid that He would not come through for me like He does everyone else. But, I did not listen to those thoughts. I believed that if I went to Him with everything that I am, He would meet me and be faithful. Over the past few weeks, every day I learn something new. Whether it is about myself, about Him, about a promise He has promised me or something that is not spriritually related at all, I am learning new things. He is opening my eyes to see things I have never seen before. Sometimes it hurts and is painful. Especially to see my flaws and weaknesses. But that is what I want to see. He is answering my prayers by changing me on the inside and outside. It excites me to know that I am developing a closer walk with God- the Creator of the universe! He is so big, great, powerful, and sovereign yet He chooses every day to be with me because He loves me that much. Life doesn't get sweeter than that. "Many are called but few are chosen." I am chosen by God and so grateful. I will run this race no matter how narrow, long or difficult the road of life is. As long as I abide in Him and keep my eyes fixated on Jesus Christ, I will make it and get to where I am going.

The Night of the Fly

What is one of the most annoying sounds that could keep you from falling asleep at night when you so desperately want and need to sleep???? Anyone? yes, that is right! a FLY! Oh my goodness. Last night, I was exhausted and turned my light out. As soon as I did the sound began. Yes the fly was moving about furiously throughout my room. I jumped out of the bed and turned the light on looking for something to kill it with. I grabbed a flip flop. What else could work better right? I moved slowly and quietly across my room and realized it was on my nightstand. I spotted it. It was on the lamp. I rared back and BOOM! I missed. I started swarming around everywhere. It landed. BOOM 2! I missed. I lost it. I retreat. Turn my light out and go back to bed. A few minutes later. It returned. I jumped up and tried again with the same flip flop. This time I was chasing it around my room swatting at it. I could hear it laughing at me and taunting me saying, "You can't catch me!" He was right. I lost him again. I turned the lights out and went back to bed. Once again, I heard him. I thought I need something different. I walked out to the kitchen where there happened to be a fly swatter on the refrigerator. I grabbed it and marched back to my mission. He was on my nightstand once again. I whispered, "One, two, three..." then BOOM! It's a hit! But it fell. I looked behind my nightstand and didn't see it. I thought well it's dead for now. I'll find it later. I turned my lights out and went back to bed. I was almost asleep and then he returned! He was alive! I jumped out of bed, turned on the light, grabbed the fly swatter, spotted the little turd, stormed over to the nightstand and BOOM!!! I GOT HIM!!!! I was ecstatic. I could now sleep peacefully. This time I picked him up and flushed him down the toilet. No more fly! Mission accomplished.

Today, I went to the lake to exercise and pray. I have been reading this book on how to meditate and focus on God. I discovered yesterday there is no possible way I could sit in complete solitude and silence with just my thoughts for hours actually not even minutes. I start to go crazy. Maybe my mind is not disciplined enough but I really think I just have ADD. So speaking of ADD, back to the lake. I sat down at a table and started to write. As I sat there I prayed that God would clear my mind so that I can focus completely on Him and really hear what He says to me rather than me always doing the talking. I closed my eyes and just sat there. As I'm sitting my mind starts to hear noises. Remember, I'm in the woods. Then a warm breeze blows that is so refreshing. I start to listen to all the noises, dogs barking, leaves raking across the sidewalk, squirrels moving in the woods, people laughing in the background, a baby crying, birds singing, the trees moving as the wind blows. As I sit there I am so aware of how God created all those noises which then leads me to think that He created everything to bring Him glory. God then begins to remind me more and more that I am here for a greater purpose and I am in the middle of walking it out right now. That the things of this world that trip me up, that cause me to stumble, that overtake my thoughts have no control over me and they don't matter because I belong to God and God made me to bring Him glory. How exciting is that? So thankful I have that assurance and that peace.

I would like to give a shout out to my biggest fan on blogspot.com. Today is her birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEFANIE RAE JOHNSON!!!! YOU ROCK:) 25 more years together and we will be racing each other around the nursing homes in our motor scooters!

A Prayer and a Promise

It's been so long since
You felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know
There's a place where you belong
Here in My Arms

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I'll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name
You just call My name

Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name

The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so alive
You just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name

We can fool ourselves for living a life and then wake up one day and realize we haven't even started living the life we were meant to live yet. What if you fell in love with 3 people at the same time? Is that possible? Does that mean you are a whore or does that mean you just have a big heart? And what if you were in love with someone or atleast thought you were and spend every day running away from the fact that you knew it was going to eventually end? Isn't that bull POOP?!?! What if you spent your days falling in love with one person and spent your nights dreaming about others? Who else likes one person one minute because they are with them and the next day decides they like someone else because they talked to them and then realizes they should only have feelings for the one they are with because they are with them? What if you were clueless and you didn't know what you wanted? But you did know you hate yourself for breaking hearts and leading people on even though at the time you weren't leading them on because you thought it was what you wanted. What if you could be free, start over and live the life you were born to live? And be ok with not knowing who you were going to live it with but just know that you were going to live?

WHAT IF.....