Surrendered

I have to say that today was a great day. Nothing fantastic or out of the ordinary (except for being dunged on by a bird) happened today. The reason this day was so great is because I have discovered my passion for Jesus and his love for me again in my life.

For over a year now, I have struggled with several areas in my life that have ultimately led me to depression. Over several months of counseling, doctors, psychiatrists, and medication...the answer was simple. I am in a battle for my life. I have been in major spiritual warfare and it all came down to one fact. I have chosen to continue to live my life the way I want rather than surrendering 100% completely to Jesus. I've prayed and prayed for answers and for God to heal me and free me, but I've refused to do what He's wanted me to do....surrender completely. God wants all of me...not just parts of me. He's jealous and does not want Satan to have any victory in my life.

I made a commitment to Jesus last night that I am choosing to stand against myself and this world and I choose Him. I made a commitment that I will let him transform and completely revolutionize my life. I made a commitment that I will be sold out for Jesus Christ. I made a commitment that I will fight with everything that's in me because He fights even harder for me. He loves me. The God of this massive universe loves me. He created me, formed me, gave me my name, gave me gifts and talents, has specific plans for my life and wants the very best for me.

One thing I've struggled with a lot since growing up in a spiritually abusive environment is head vs. heart knowledge. I can quote scriptures left and right to people. I can tell you almost any story in the Bible and explain its application to our spiritual lives; however, many of those scriptures and stories have not penetrated my heart and my soul. I've grown numb over the years. Reading my Bible became boring and it felt more like an obligation than a desire to seek life and truth from Jesus.

This morning, I was getting ready for work, and I prayed, "God how can I show you that I'm committed to you? What can I do?" Immediately a song popped into my head and I went and played it. The words to the chorus are,
"I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours" - Hillsong United, The Stand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJdWGqUfzFs

This is my heart. That I will stand with arms high praising and worshiping Him every day with my heart being completely abandoned to Him because He gave everything for me. The least I can do is surrender to Him and allow him full control of my life.

Until next time...