Today is a gift!

Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Blah

I have sat here staring at this page trying to figure out what to say but the words just won't seem to come. My heart is heavy and my mind is racing with thoughts that are so jumbled, I can't even seem to weed through them all to figure out what I am feeling right now. It's just weird- a weird feeling. I don't know what it means.

Have you ever wondered if the people you care about most care about you as much as you do them? I think that sometimes especially recently.

Why am I THAT person?

Can't seem to be getting anywhere right now. The juices for writing are not flowing at the moment.

"out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

Have you ever lacked motivation in your life? Have you ever felt weak in areas you wished you were strong? Today is the day for that change. Today is the day your lack of motivation can transpire into zest, zeal, energy, and intensity. Today is the day your weakness begins to transform into strength. How? Ask yourself these questions. Am I capable? Do I have a mind? Am I strong? You should answer yes to each of these. Why? God equipped you with the ability to fuction in this world and to succeed at the desires He has placed in your heart for your life. He has given you your mind to think and make the choice as to whether or not you are going to pursue the desires in your life or think you are not adequate enough. You are strong because the Bible clearly states, "I can do all things in Christ who STRENGTHENS me."

When arriving at the crossroads of can and cannot, choose the roadsign that says "Can." Do not underestimate your abilities, talents, and gifts. Take it a step further and do not underestimate God's abilities. God has you where those roads meet. Instead of looking at your weaknesses, look at God's strengths. He will direct your steps. Aim high in life. When you fail- and you are going to fail- learn from it. Do not fall into self pity. Do not think, "Woe is me." Do not think, "Why do I have to go through this?" Think positively. Look at this failure as an opportunity to grow, to learn, to correct your mindset and thinking, and to redirect your steps. You might be going in the right direction but just needed a tweak in your steps. Each failure, each dissappointment, each tough circumstance is an opportunity to really see your character, to see what your made of, and to see where your hope lies.

Where does your hope lie?

Last night, I went home for Father's Day. We did the usual, get up early, well actually I got up extra early to go exercise with my mom so GO ME!!! after the workout, we got ready and went to church. There was a guest preacher at the very small country church my parents go to. He was great and I really got a lot out of what God was speaking through him. after church, we went back to the parentals house and then the party started! the whole family started slowly trickling in and things started getting fun. we were having a cookout so my dad was out grilling in the side yard. he had 2 grills going with 8 hamburgers on each. my mom happened to be out there giving him a dish to put the food in and my aunt and uncle were out there just conversating. why was i there? i don't know. i pretty much just wandered from group to group so I can talk to everyone since i don't get to see them that often. anyway, as we were standing there, the charcoal in one of the grills started catching on fire and my dad starts saying, "oh no that's not supposed to happen!" then he realized the grill was falling apart because it was broken. my genius of an uncle thought he had a genius of an idea to put a brick on the grill to hold the hamburgers up. i looked at my mom and said, "seriously? that is going to fall!" then right after i said that, the grill started collapsing and the hamburgers started to fall. my dad has awesome reflexes because he reached down with his hamburger flipper and tongs and saved the rack! it was amazing! then my genius of an uncle had another genius of an idea. he decided to get 2 cement blocks so my dad could set the rack and the grill on them. so yeah basically, it was one of those moments where you say you might be a redneck if...... oh but i love it!

The Race

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure for breast cancer. What an experience that was! There were thousands of people there united together for one great cause. There were people encouraging complete strangers on by cheering and clapping for them to finish their run and make it to the finish line without giving up. It totally made me feel good about being a part of such a great cause. Stef and I were thinking if there are this many people out for this, how awesome would it be if we could do some type of race for God?? Close down parts of downtown Raleigh and do a race that shows we are in the race of our lives living for Jesus Christ and aiming for the prize! I would definitely run more for that race!

back to my weekend escapades at home with the family. first though, i would like to take the time to describe my family so that in the future when i reference anyone, you will know who i am talking about. i'll start with the parentals. my mother and father (aka mama and daddy) (aka mama bear and papa bear). yeah that's right, anna and i get a little carried away with nicknames sometimes. my mom, well, she's amazing. she's a bit of a perfectionist. she will go out of her way to help anyone. she is warm and very caring. she's a bit overbearing at times but only because she cares. she is quiet but will tell you like it is whether you want to hear it or not. pretty much, all i inherited from my mom is my fro, discernment, strong will and indepedence. now to my dad. my dad is outgoing, extremely talkative, hilarious and extremely kind. he has a big heart. my dad and i are alot a like when it comes to our personalities. i think i inherited my sense of humor and acceptance of others from him. moving on to my sister. dear anna (aka my sissy poo). anna is sweet, extremely fun to be around, and is always getting into something. don't mess with her. that's all i'll say about that :) then there's my brother. alex precious alex. he's got a temper but he is always willing to lend a hand and help wherever he can. he is extremely bright and intelligent and is going to do great things with his life. i am so proud of him for graduating this past weekend and for choosing to go to NCSU this fall! woohoo! now let's take all of us and put us together and you have my family! we can be loud but NOT obnoxious. we love to laugh. we find humor in every little thing from making fun of alex which has become a full time job when i'm home to rolling our eyes at our mom when she still yells at us to go wash our hands in the bathroom rather the kitchen as my dad sits on the couch and reads trying to ignore all the chaos that is going on around the house. you would think that if we are all adults then our house would not be crazy but it is. and apparently, it's because of me. everytime i go home, they always say, "well you can tell she's back. everything's all lively and animated." well i'm proud to say that i'm thankful i bring that to my family. that they look to me to make them happy and make them laugh. there are numerous stories i could tell you about this weekend with the family, ranging from alex almost backing into a car after his baccalaureate service and my mom flying out of nowhere to hit the car as hard as she could which almost caused alex to poo his pants. or how about the fact that my whole entire family (exteded family included) were the loudest ones at the graduation and were told to "shhhh" several times. how rude is that? we were there celebrating and we were happy! that's not wrong. i don't think the lady liked the glare i gave her. she smiled and looked away. i think she started shaking she was so scared. i mean, you combine the forces of my sister and me and we make one kickbutt team! oh then there's the night at baccalaureate when you would think anna being 22 and i being 24 would be mature enough not to cut up and laugh at stupid stuff but act dignified. well, we may be getting older but we are still sisters who will forever be young at heart. i could continue but it would take way too long. i want to end with saying, i love my family deeply. they have given me my backbone and have helped shape me into the woman i am today. there is nothing like going home and spending time with the people God gave to you as a family. being accepted unconditionally is a great feeling. they make me happy and i love laughing. i will laugh about anything and everything until the day i die.

exhausted!

just got back in town from visiting family for my little bro and little cousins high school graduation. well they're not that little anymore. i am so proud of them! i would post pictures but the camera died on me at the graduation so i can't. even if i did have pictures i probably would not post them because i am technologically impaired and impatient so i don't like taking the time to do stuff like that. i also visited my best friend melody in charlotte along with some of my old posse from the hk weezy! wow what a great weekend! i am happy to be back however. i am completely exhausted and going to bed so i will be posting more stories about this weekend soon! so please stay tuned. before i go, i would like to say that i love my home. i love where i live and i love who i live with :) i also love the fact that my roomie has awesome taste in furniture because our living room pretty much rocks! we have better furniture than you!! haha ok that was childish. i also love the fact my bed was made for the first time in several months along with one of the sweetest notes ever and to top it off a little packet of sweet tarts!

taking it back

have you ever listened to a song that flooded your mind with memories? a song that reminded you of people you care most about? a song that reminds you of a place that makes you happy and puts a smile on your face? i love experiencing moments like this. tonight, i experienced several songs that took me back to a place that made me smile and reminded me of a past that parts of me wished were still part of. when we are in situations in our lives, sometimes we think if we can just move on and get past all of this life will be good. then when we get past it, we think wow, we had it so good and we never realized how great things were and how wonderful the people around us were and what they would mean to us. a year ago, i thought things were difficult and i just wanted changes in my life. the problems and situations around me stressed me out and parts of me needed something different. now that i'm looking back on it, it really was not that bad and i truly miss everything that was going on. i miss the people that were around me all the time. they made me laugh and i had an awesome time with them always! i miss that and i miss them. i guess i shoud live in the moment and live it up so that i don't look back on any point in my life with any regrets!

i decided last night that i am going to create a blog that allows you to speak everything rather than type. this is for those people who can't write very well. for example, me. i don't think this has been invented but if so then disregard. but if it's not and i find out one of my friends invented it and gets all the money for it then i will sue! and i will have proof from this blog that you stole my idea! enough said. i'm frustrated. goodnight.

i am amazed at how quickly God can answer prayers especially when you need to hear from Him the most. i won't go into any detail, but i know that after today He's got me. My heart is spoken for and i can be completely satisfied in Him. in Him is where i find true joy, peace, and contentment. people search their whole lives for this and try to find it in temporary pleasures. that's what i try to do sometimes. i think other people may have it better off than I do but really they're in bondage and can't climb out of the pit their in. i however, live for Someone. Someone that's eternal and has already defeated my sin and has set me free! how awesome and powerful that realization is! when you truly grasp who you are in Christ and that your only purpose for living is to serve and live for Him then it changes your whole outlook and perspective on life. i know when i am living this out, my eyes are not focused on myself and i'm not looking to myself to make it through situations but my eyes are fixated on Christ-the one I have surrendered my life to and has completely control and authority over me. sometimes, i think i can't overcome obstacles and temptations because i am so weak but i am doubting what God can do in me. with Him, whatever the problem is, i can overcome it!

as i continue to live out my walk with Christ, i pray that my life will become more and more transparent each day. i pray that i can remember these truths and remember who i am in Christ and where He is taking me. i pray that i can pour into other people's lives the blessings, knowledge, and truths He has shown me. by doing this i want to honor God and make Him smile :)

there is a verse that totally penetrated my heart and awoke my spirit the other day. it is in Romans 11- the message.

Everything comes from Him,
Everything happens through Him,
Everything ends up in Him,
Always glory! Always praise!
Yes. Yes. Yes.

what beautiful words describing a life in Christ. knowing that it's all about Him and that no matter what happens we should always praise Him!